|Zombie Monk's Right Hook Sword||250||200||300||Dead Hand Fist: Chance for bonus damage; Extra damage for each additional Zombie Monk Set item equipped; Extra damage for each Zombie Monk in the legion||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Zombie Monk's Left Hook Sword||250||200||300||Dead Hand Fist: Chance for bonus damage; Extra damage for each additional Zombie Monk Set item equipped; Extra damage for each Zombie Monk in the legion||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Zombie Monk's Hat||250||200||300||Dead Hand Fist: Chance for bonus damage; Extra damage for each additional Zombie Monk Set item equipped; Extra damage for each Zombie Monk in the legion||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Zombie Monk's Shirt||250||200||300||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Zombie Monk's Bracers||250||200||300||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Zombie Monk's Trousers||250||200||300||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Zombie Monk's Boots||250||200||300||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Zombie Monk's Ring||250||200||300||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Zombie Monk's Undead Qilin||300||280||370||Dead Hand Bite: Chance for bonus damage; Extra damage for each unique piece of Zombie Monk equipment owned (+370% w/full set with 6% chance)||Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Way of the Undead Fist|| 8 Generals: 4 Agility, 2 Undead, 2 Human|
34 Troops: 18 Agility, 8 Undead, 8 Human
Power Bonus: 240%
|100k+ damage to Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Sifu Lin||345||460||460||Quivering Palmful of Brains: Chance for bonus damage; Extra damage for each Zombie Monk in the active legion; Sifu Lin gains 100 Attack and Defense while in the Way of the Undead Fist legion||Crafting|
|Zombie Monk||100||90||123||Zombie Monk gains 30 Attack and Defense while in the Way of the Undead Fist legion||Crafting|
|White Belt Zombie Monk Familiar||15k+ damage to Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Purple Belt Zombie Monk Familiar||1b+ damage to Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
|Black Belt Zombie Monk Familiar||50b+ damage to Wei of the Siwang Shou (World Raid)|
Full Set Bonus
|Raid Attack Value: 2770|
|Duel Power: 1800|
|Male: I. "Hold still," Codex says. "I can't heal you if you're squirming around."
She tugs at Zaboo's arms, and pulls his hands off his face. Crimson spurts from the warlock's smashed nose. It splashes on Tinkerballa's boot.
"Ugh! Gross! Can't you die somewhere else?"
She glares for a moment. But another bite of pie seems to mollify her. She wipes her boot on your calf, smearing Zaboo's blood there, ignores your raised eyebrow, and wanders off -- still munching on sugary pastry.
"I think Medea likes me!" Zaboo says. Magic washes over his injured proboscis and illuminates his eyes with its golden glow. "Bard'd!"
The healer sighs. You can't decide whether she's relieved or disappointed by the sudden shift in the warlock's affections (maybe 'obsessions' would be more accurate). Perhaps she can't either.
Female: I. "We performed adequately in that last encounter," Vork says. "But your spellcasters failed to use the correct-"
"Not now," you reply.
You stagger through the camp, weary in mind and thew. Just months ago you didn't even know what thews were, let alone that you could be weary in them. Stupid dragons...
"%name%!" Tinkerballa grabs your arm. "Where's my loot? I got the kill shot, so I should get the... Hey!"
You mumble something nonsensical and leave her glowering. You're really in no mood to deal with this right now.
|Male: II. You glance at Codex, but she just shrugs her shoulders.
"Zaboo," you say, "Medea-"
"Her voice is so beautiful. And did you see the way she held me in her arms? Elf'd!"
"You jumped at her and she caught you. Then she punched you on the nose. That doesn't mean she-"
"The harder you hit someone, the more you love them. Avinashi told me that when she beat me for not painting her toes right!"
You sigh. That woman has a lot to answer for...
Female: II. You manage to half-walk, half-fail through the flap of your tent, and toss your sword into the corner. It clangs atop the pile of assorted weapons. You spend some moments wrestling with your armor, since whoever invented plate panoplies was apparently an inconsiderate moron. This is no small feat in the dark. But lighting candles is a lot of effort, and your muscles feel like they're about to fall off your bones.
At last your breastplate, gauntlets, greaves, cuisses -- and other pieces whose names seem long and irrelevant at this time of night -- lie in a heap, and you collapse onto your bedroll.
Something hard smashes against your head. White lights erupt in front of your eyes.
|Male: III. "Get away from me, creep!" Tinkerballa says. "Why are you always following me around?"
"I'm not," you reply. "You're in my tent. Going through my things..."
"Where'd you get all this stuff anyway?" She pulls a sword out from your collection of assorted weapons and tests its weight before tossing it back on the pile. "Some of it's good."
"From battles mostly. But while you're here, we need to talk about Zaboo. I tried Codex, but she can't get through to him. Medea isn't a woman you want to hassle. If he doesn't leave her alone, she'll do worse than bloody his nose."
"Whatever... I'm taking this."
She snatches up a dagger and leaves.
Female: III. You roll away from the unseen intruder and grab at the weapon pile.
"Gods damn it!" After a moment of painful fumbling, with several unpleasant cuts and pricks, you find a handle instead of a blade. Thus armed, you spin round to deliver death. "Aargh!"
Light explodes in the darkness, bright and blinding.
Dancing images coalesce into a dusky grinning face, outlined by pink and green flames.
"Zaboo? What the hell..."
|Male: IV. You sigh. If Zaboo wants to get his heart broken, that's fine. But you'd rather he didn't get his head broken. And if the Knights of Good aren't going to talk to him, you suppose it's up to you. So you make your way through the camp until you find him. He's sitting under a tree, murdering a harp.
"I'm learning to play, so I can perform with Medea! Duet'd!"
"Oh... I don't think a harp's a percussion instrument. *ahem* I mean... Zaboo, we need to talk." You glance around. A pair of giggling vampiresses are staring, anticipating juicy gossip to digest along with their goblets of blood. You'd rather spare him that public embarrassment. "Walk with me."
"Okay, %name%. You can tell me about Medea. What kind of wine does she like?"
Female: IV. "Fear not, my beloved! I knew you'd be tired after a day of battles, so I waited here to massage your aching limbs. But I fell asleep..."
You take a deep breath. And another one. After the third, your weary and half-scrambled brain is no longer urging you to strew the tent with bloody chunks of lovestruck warlock. And that stupid smile... It would be like murdering a puppy.
"Zaboo," you say, "I apologize if I gave you the wrong impression. But I really don't think of you that way. I-"
"No more thinking, %name%! Impulse'd!"
He jumps up and plants his lips on yours.
|Male: V. "There are lots of women out there," you say. "I'm sure it's only a matter of time until you find a girl who doesn't want to bludgeon you to death..."
"I think Queen Lena likes me. Royalty'd!"
You recall the Kavalan warrior woman stomping on a bandit's crotch, and wince.
"But Medea's the one for me! Her song is like a kiss..."
"Yes, she's a fantastic bard. But sometimes she can be a little... abrasive. And she really doesn't-"
Sweet strains of harp music drift through the trees.
"Listen, %name%! It's her! She's playing for me!"
Female: V. "Ah, a moonlit stroll, my delicious gulab jamun? Maybe next time I can carry you. I've been lifting sacks of cabbages to strengthen my manly muscles!"
You don't reply. It's fairly evident that words are superfluous with Zaboo. So you just carry him across the camp, to the muddiest ditch you can find. The splash he makes is quite satisfying. But it doesn't erase the grin from his face.
"Mud wrestling? Love grappler'd!"
You turn your head. A pair of deep orange eyes gaze through the gloom. As always, the azure drake is there just when you need him.
"Solus, if he tries to get in my tent again, eat him."
The dragon stares. But after a moment he winks and emits a fearsome, if somewhat melodramatic growl.
|Male: VI. "Wait!" you say. "Sometimes she likes to practice alone. And she won't appreciate being-"
But the warlock's already blundering through the undergrowth. You run after him, on the grounds that the elven bard might be less likely to murder him in your presence, and are just a few yards behind when he bursts from the bushes at the edge of the forest.
You step out of the Zaboo-shaped gap in the foliage to find him staring openmouthed at Medea and a handsome warrior in eastern garb. The two of them are nestled under a tree, talking and laughing.
Female: VI. The next morning you step out of your tent, and on a recumbent warlock. A muddy face blinks up at you.
"Greetings, my glorious warrior princess! Awake'd!"
The dragon uncurls, stretches his wings, and yawns.
"You told me not to let him in your tent. You didn't say anything about sleeping in front of it."
|Male: VII. "Unhand my beloved songstress!"
"Your what?" Medea's eyes narrow. Her fingers slice across her harp strings, raising an ominous tune.
Her companion looks Zaboo up and down. The warrior's features shift from curiosity to an amused sneer.
"Do you know this little fool?" he asks.
"Not for long..." She gets up, and you interpose yourself before she can draw her sword. "Get out of my way, %name%."
"%name%?" the warrior says. He rises to his feet in a swift, graceful motion. "The dragon-rider! My name is Wei, the living master at the Siwang Shou monastery and the best fighter on either side of the grave. I train the zombie monks. You've probably heard enemies scream about us, before their brains got eaten."
"I was trying to forge an alliance with him," the bard says. Her music slips into a harmonious trill, before blaring in melodious rage. "So take this idiot away!"
Female: VII. "Zaboo... Why don't you..." You grope around for some kind of distraction. "Polish my weapons?"
"I accept your quest, my sweet rusmali!"
He scurries into your tent. Thankfully you have a lot of weapons. It should keep him occupied for quite some time, while you find someone who can get through to the besotted fool. Maybe one of his friends could talk some sense into him...
You find Vork by a campfire, helping himself to a pot of kidneys and arguing with Lucian.
"Your book clearly states that manticores should be slain with bows and arrows, but the most efficient way is to -"
No, that's a conversation you don't want to be dragged into. So you keep walking, until you catch sight of Codex -- who's sitting in a corner, talking to herself and trying to seem unobtrusive. Maybe she'll know how to deal with him. After all, Zaboo followed her around like a besotted fairy before you 'winked' at him in battle and became the object of his obsessions.
|Male: VIII. "He's corrupted her gentle mind with his evil aura! Chi'd!"
Medea plays with one hand and clenches the other into a white-knuckled fist. You catch the punch, saving Zaboo's jaw.
"Your minion's insulted me," Wei says. "Keep him in line, or I'll hit him with my little finger and you'll be taking him home in a bag."
"I'll kill you and take my woman back! Gauntlet throw'd!"
"Ha! You have a warrior's spirit. It's just a shame it's trapped in the body of a scrawny weakling. I can spare two seconds to break you in half, and the elf will be a fitting prize. Or maybe I'm her prize..."
He winks at her and flexes. Glistening muscles bulge, leaving you to wonder whether he oils himself down every day, just in case such opportunities arise.
"%name%," Medea says, "let go of my arms so I can burst their eardrums."
"Let's all just calm down and talk about this," you say.
Female: VIII. "Codex, we need to talk. It's about-"
"%name%!" The word comes enveloped in harp music. Medea takes hold of your arm. "You're meant to be meeting Wei by the forest. Did you forget?"
Oh... The master of the Siwang Shou monastery, living trainer to its zombie monks. Your Zaboo problems had driven him from your mind. You excuse yourself and run off, leaving Codex still talking to herself. Those Knights of Good are strange people. Then again, you travel around with a blue dragon, a cricket bat-wielding scholar, and a dwarf with mice in his beard. So who are you to judge?
Wei's waiting for you beside the trees, performing a shirtless kata that makes his muscles ripple in the morning light. He smiles and bows. Then he flexes his muscles two or three more times, before leaping into a triple spin kick that seems rather more gratuitous than practical.
|Male: IX. You struggle with the bard, knowing full well just how much damage a single wrathful strum of her harp could cause. It isn't easy -- especially when she starts kicking your shins. And it's in the midst of this impromptu grappling match that your elbow flies backwards and hits something hard.
"Sorry!" you say. "I didn't mean to-"
"You've struck me!" Wei says. "No one gets away with that, living or dead. I once punched out a god for less! The honor of the Siwang Shou monastery demands that we fight."
"And since you're the master of an army, my monks will meet your picked champions in battle. But don't worry. After we kill you, we'll have our necromancers turn you into zombies so you can keep fighting the dragons! Maybe I'll even make you one of my students, and teach you how to hit like a man..."
"Good! We'll bash those monks together! Undead slayer'd!"
Female: IX. "So, you're the dragon-rider of Burden's Rest? The greatest warrior in the kingdom."
He bows again.
"Thanks," you say. "But I don't know if I'm the greatest. I *have* killed a lot of drag-"
"No. I was introducing myself. But you already know who I am..." He flexes once more. Oiled muscles bulge under his glistening skin. "You must have heard the bards singing stories about me. They're all true. Don't worry though... If I'm the best warrior in the kingdom, you can still be the most beautiful!"
"Uh... Thank you..."
He pulls you into a hug. Perhaps months of fighting have put you on edge, or maybe the situation with Zaboo has made you paranoid about unsolicited shows of affection. In any event, your headbutt surprises you both. It quells his friendliness rather quickly.
Wei glares. He's probably used to women swooning in his arms, not smashing him in the face.
"You've insulted me, and the Siwang Shou monastery!" He cracks his knuckles. "I was going to take you to heaven, but I'll send you to hell instead!"
You're still grasping for something diplomatic to say when someone bursts from the trees and interposes himself between you and the eastern warrior.
"My beloved and I accept your challenge and will destroy you! %name%'d!"